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Rejection

I recently got the bright idea that I needed a literary agent because my books weren’t selling well. I decided to go ahead and query one, and not just anyone, but one of the top agents in the known universe. In my swing for the fence I thought that by magic he would somehow cause my poorly selling work to become magnificent and therefore change me into a discovered author who is loved, famous, rich, and possibly even more interesting, if such a thing is possible. But that didn’t happen, because he rejected my submission. And my heretofore magnum opus, K [phantasmagoria] is still not selling. Surely that’s not my fault. Right?

When the agent sent me a quick email to let me know “this one just isn’t working for me,” I reacted with grace and thanked him for his extremely valuable time because I am, if nothing else, professional. Meanwhile, under my skin, the sensitive creative bits were hurting. They still are. There’s no rhyme or reason for it other than the fact that someone who knows good writing basically told me my work isn’t good enough. The truth hurts, and this is the first time I’ve gotten a good dose of it. The hardest part to take was the truest: that he found it “hard to follow, with too much narrator-voice in it.” Yep. That’s precisely the problem.

But there’s more. See, earlier that day I met with another guy who knows his stuff. And he told me, “Dude, you have to do something about your covers. You’ve gotta stop doing them yourself. Find a good designer and pay them.” I responded with a sheepish yeah I know, which begs the question: if I knew that already, why is it still a friggin unsolved problem, know what I mean? So this guy who knows his stuff referred me to some awesome cover designers, and I got the ball rolling in the right direction.

What’s key about all of this is that I believe I have the ability to make my work better. I now realize why my book isn’t selling: because it sucks in every way sucking is possible. It’s true: cover, story, marketing, all of it. The hallelujah moment is now, because I can finally realize all of that and make the necessary changes. I mean, thanks to my fans—all two of you—but I can do better. Much better.

So I’m now going back through and rewriting K [phantasmagoria] for probably the tenth time. I’m taking out a lot of the gratuitous nonsense. I’m streamlining the plot yet again, trying to get that ever-important beginning right. I think the story starts in the wrong place, and I aim to fix that. Also the cover art is clearly bad, and that will be fixed— by a professional. There are branding issues as well, at least visually, and that’s going to be dealt with. Plus, the title is wrong. I can finally admit that. Phantasmagoria is a cool and loaded word, but most people blanch at it I think, at least if it’s in the title. And by the way, if you want to have a hand in retitling this book, your contest entry could win a free eBook at the C.P. White Media Facebook page. Just drop a comment and suggest one.

I’ve spent a long time sitting around waiting for the market to respond to me. It could be said that it’s been time wasted. But in light of the lessons I’m learning it’s been time well spent, at least if I can apply the kinds of changes that will get me good results. At this point, good results equal exposure, sales, and a loyal following that’s chomping at the bit for more. I have faith that I can deliver that. Though my confidence is at a new low artistically, it’s only for the time being. I can rise up and do better, and that starts today. 

An Awful Ode to Homemade Bread

This has nothing to do with anything...

Thy pockets are full

Of yeasty goodness

Air apparent

-ly awesome in admixture with gluten

Thou art crusty

And toasty and buttered

My teeth gnash

-ing across molecular webs that breadily fruiten

My mind is awhirl

A cascading torrent

Of bready texture

-s synapses fire ecstatically as I nosh

Wilt thou snog

O my slice

Softly thy coo

-ing to me makes mouth water in lusty anticipation of biting into your spongy innards

[This is better when it’s performed, as opposed to being read—ed.]

Hooked

Les Edgerton knows what he’s talking about. His eBook, Hooked, lays down the law about how to begin your novel—and how, most likely, your beginning could be much, much better. Making things worse, he doesn’t just expect you to take his word for it. He gives plenty of examples that buttress his point, like Island of the Sequined Love Nun by Christopher Moore, a book now on my to-read list. Look, here’s the deal: I know my writing has been changed for the better as a result of having read Hooked. I now approach everything differently.

Having said all that, it’s not that Edgerton’s research is the last word on how you should write your novel. After all, that’s up to you, and he doesn’t pretend it should be anything otherwise. What he offers is a kind of road map on story—a little like Bickham did—except with far more emphasis on the opening bits, which are, at least in the sense of one’s writing being a commercial endeavor, the most important.

At first the terms are a bit overwhelming (especially when Edgerton talks about the ten core components of an opening scene, blasting you upside the head with shoptalk terms you’ve probably never dreamt of), but as one reads on it becomes clearer. In fact, I highlighted the crap out of my Kindle edition because Edgerton constantly drops in these little nuggets of truth and profundity that sit up and beg for it. Examples? Sure:

“The first time a scene ends in success, the story is over.”

I’m like, WHAT?!

“A protagonist should not gain anything easily.”

Okay, yeah. I knew that. No really. I did.

“Summary doesn’t convince anyone of anything. Write that down.”

Hey Les, look: I wrote it down. And now I have a bunch of fluffy crap I need to go and delete elsewhere. Thanks a lot.

In fact, Edgerton’s book is so chock-full of great resources, you should stop what you’re doing right now and download it. Seriously. If you fancy yourself a writer, if you’re an indie author, if you’re published and agented and signed and successful, you should read it. It can only help you, and Edgerton points out other excellent resources too, like Bickham’s Scene and Structure, and like another I haven’t quite gotten to yet, On Writing Well by William Zinsser (I’ll just take Les’s word for it that it’s going to be outstanding when I finally do get round to it).

I’m not joking, this book will change your professional life as a writer. What I found most alarming as I read through Hooked is that I’d been trading mostly on instinct and raw talent. The emotional quotient to that, at least as an author, is pretty much just stark terror. I was ignorant of the structure, the rules, the order of Story. And I called myself an author?! Now that my mind has been peeled open a bit, I’m soaking this stuff up like crazy. I really can’t recommend it highly enough. Go get yours now.

Swiss Days 2012

For those of you who have seen the Swiss Days videos, I apologize. For those who’d rather read about my adventures (or who’d rather not hear me sing when I’m bored), I give you the C. P. White Media Blog. I recently drove more than 800 miles in less than 72 hours; a feat that favors the young (-er than I). I did it for Swiss Days. And it was pretty fun.

A good friend and colleague invited Aaron and me to pop on down to Utah from Idaho for this event, which regularly draws more than 80,000 people to the tiny village of Midway, UT. It’s been going on for 65 years, and it’s a great chance to experience a bona fide slice of Americana, with a Swiss twist. Aaron wasn’t able to make it, so I took his Honda and set off, staying at our friend’s house, where I slept on the couch and dreamt about miniature Schnauzers and talked in my sleep very slowly: “Geeeeeeeet ouuuuuuuuut,” I said at about three AM to the trespassing evil dream dog, which woke me up and probably alarmed the other people sacked out in the living room. One doesn’t expect to hear an authorial guest going on at literally all hours; I’m sure it was a little more than just irritating. So I apologize to the people I offended/ horrified, and I have a feeling there’s more of that kind of action in my professional future. Just cuz. It would figure, that’s all.

I met some outstanding people at Swiss Days this year. I signed lots of books and met tons of fans, some of whom had actually heard of the Airel saga, imagine that! One young lady just couldn’t stop talking about how much she loved Airel and Michael and how she really hates that we keep leaving the reader hanging at the ends of our novels. I’m going to blog soon about Les Edgerton’s book Hooked, which is about hooking the reader from sentence one (a great idea), but in today’s world of the series novel it’s almost as important to hook the reader at the end of books one, two, and three, assuming there’s only four books in the series—it’s really the hook before the hook. And technically, the hook at the end of book one is really the hook at the beginning of book two and so on. Anyway, this young lady was chomping at the bit for book three: Uriel, which is coming soon (hopefully before the end of the year). If you want to be in the loop, subscribe to this here blog.

I’ll be headed back to Swiss Days next year. I was stunned by the beauty of the event, and that includes the gracious people that organized it, staffed it, and attended it. I’m super impressed. I’ll be bringing my family back next year, and I probably won’t even have to bribe them with a stop off at Lagoon in order to get them to go. And I woulda stayed longer, but my oldest boy got baptized that weekend, so I had to leave early because I prioritize my fam—especially for things like that (I actually got the be the one who baptized him, and in the Boise River, no less). It was a momentous weekend for me. I’ll be sharing more of what I learned as the blog pages turn. Until then.